L'Chayim Lunches

Right now we are in the Hebrew month Elul, which is the last month on the Jewish civil calendar. The beginning of Elul marks 30 days until Rosh HaShanah and 40 days until Yom Kippur.  It is a time of introspection, repentance, and most importantly- intimacy. The rabbis of old teach that Elul is actually an acronym for "Ani L'Dodi V'Dodi Li." It makes more sense when you look at it in Hebrew. ;)

During these 40 days, our congregation is taking time to take courageous steps forward in building  intimacy with the LORD and others within our community. We are making efforts to subdue the busyness of life by shifting roles from being the "responder," to the "initiator."  We're aiming to seize the days, squash time and energy thieves, and invest our time and energy in the things that have eternal value.

All of this is good and well, but sometimes we need a little more than a rally cry- we need a specific mission that gives us license to pursue the prize of the vision. Yes? Yes. So, after several talks with my husband about how we can foster intimacy and growth within our own community, we decided to take some advice that was already given by a dear friend who is heavily invested in the health of our congregation.

She used to lead a musical group  of tenacious, outspoken Messianic Jewish musicians who traveled the country via BUS. They lived in close quarters for 18 months, on a BUS. Now, you put any group of people in close quarters for 18 months and you are going to have ISSUES! One of their biggest keys to survival and relational growth came from something they called, "Pelican Lunches."  What these lunches did was it gave everyone time and space to share their life stories. People could take as long as they needed to share their story, including every detail they felt necessary. This opened up caverns of intimacy for the entire group, and brought understanding, acceptance, a sense of belonging- even compassion. It was a safe place where people could be seen, appreciated and loved. My friend gave us the brilliant suggestion to implement this within our own community. So, with a few tweaks, we came up with something we are calling L'Chayim Lunches. Before I tell you exactly what these lunches are, I want to share with you the need and risk involved in implementing them.

The need is great because we are ALL  hardwired for love. Yet, it is hard to truly love and be loved without being vulnerable. This is where the risk comes in. It is much safer to be vulnerable with the LORD because He will never wound us, betray us, or humiliate us. It is indeed safer, but sometimes more difficult, because we have to train our senses to tune into His voice, receive what His Word says without compromise, and actually give over the control of every kingdom of our heart.


To be vulnerable with friends can sometimes be easier, simply because we see a physical face, hear an audible voice, feel the touch of their hand, and are locked in eye to eye communication. It might be easier on some levels, but it isn't as safe. Why? Because we are bearing our souls to imperfect people, with certain filters, who are not masters of love, and are not omniscient.

Within the American culture we have substituted risky, fulfilling intimacy with cheap knock offs that give us the instant gratification of knowing people without being known. It's easy to hide behind a computer or smart phone and stalk the people you want to know more about by looking at their Instagram history, or Facebook statuses. We are learning about others, without letting them know us. It's a false intimacy. In order to be intimate, we must be vulnerable.

Vulnerability is like a river dividing two territories, or countries. It is the passageway to fulfilling love. For those who choose not to cross the river, they remain on the banks- safe, dry, longing, and isolated. For those who cross the river, they emerge wet, messy, and maybe have a few cuts and bruises from falling in the river. Yet, by crossing the "Vulnerability River" they cross the passageway into the land of the fulfilled, the wholehearted,  and the loved. No one said that it was easy, but it is most certainly worth it.

The risk of being vulnerable is great, very great.  But as an optimist and people lover, and most importantly, a disciple of Messiah Yeshua, I have to believe that it is really worth it. Love is the greatest prize, the greatest commandment, and the greatest fulfillment. Cross the river. You will be so glad you did. 

Now for the L'Chayim Lunch Initiative:

Your mission (should you choose to accept it) is for YOU to initiate one lunch per week with someone between now and Sukkot. Invite them to lunch, and ask to hear their story. If there is time and space, please share your story as well. If you can't do a lunch, do a breakfast. If you can't do a breakfast, do a dinner. If you can't afford to buy someone's lunch, buy them a coffee, a water, or have them over for dinner. The point is to make it happen.  It's a one on one lunch, just between two people. Women are encouraged to initiate with other women, and men are encouraged to initiate with other men. Everyone is encouraged to block out significant time to hear their friend's story so no one is rushed or pressured.

There may be times where you receive an invitation. Great! That doesn't count as your lunch for the week. :)  This will grow your skills as a relationship builder, and like I mentioned earlier, it will move you from "responding" to "initiating." You may not receive any invitations during this time. Guess what? That's okay. Don't let it define your value or appeal. If it makes you feel any better, I've extended several "initiations" for the next few weeks for L'Chayim Lunches, but I have not been the responder to an invitation yet. No biggie. :)

What's funny is when I showed the above graphic to my husband, his response to my choice of image was, "That's great! For Women!" It's true. When I searched the internet for graphics of men drinking coffee or having lunch, I couldn't seem to find one photo that was authentic, professional and warm. I found it quite revealing in terms of what we find culturally acceptable and normal. So, I may recruit some CBH men models for doing another graphic that conveys the warmth and authenticity that is needed in male relationships. :)

As we listen to people's stories, let's give them our full attention, setting aside distractions, and silencing interruptions. Let them know that THEY are what takes priority during this time. Let's create a safe haven to know and be known. Everyone has different levels of intimacy, and that is okay. This is not a push to make private people air their dirty laundry to the masses. It is an initiative to help us know each other and love each other more deeply. And finally, let's be on time. Being on time is one way to effectively communicate, "I am worth your time, and you are worth mine."

I am so thrilled with where the LORD has us this season! Please, please send us testimonies of the fruit that the LORD is producing in your L'Chayim Lunches. 

With Great Love and Deep Affection,
Candyce

P.S. If you are not part of our CBH Community and would like to start this in your own community, please feel free to join us. Send this blog on to your rabbi, or congregational leader, and let's join arms to strengthen the love within our communities. I would love to know if you are accepting the mission. Please, let me know in the comment section on FB, on the blog, or even in a private message that you are joining this initiative. L'Chayim! :)